Bloodbath in the Garden of the Frogurai

Dude, let me pass, I’m not staying in this backwater pond any longer.

“You cannot leave.  It is forbidden!

This is my story and you’re not a part of it.





Bro, let me set the mood for a moment.  Relax brother and catch this plot twist.  You see it was back during the war.  One of’em anyway. When these awesome stories started drifting into the Pond.  About how this kid was rippin the battlefield up like he owned the place.  Chillin in the Pond hearing about that made me wanna see the world.  Fast forward a little and I decided it was long passed time to hop on outa the Pond for a nice long walkabout.  

I was truly inspired by that kid’s exploits as they drifted into the pond.  Lockee somethin or nother, so thrilling bro.  I had to go and see the world for myself.  Well… needless to say I’m not exactly a sit and learn tadpole type.  I’ve got an itch to bounce.  My teachers hated that.  I couldn’t stand still long enough for a lecture to start.  It’s why they call me Hoppee, always in motion, always bouncing to my own beats man.

Which brings me right back to the day I left the Pond.  

“The Shogun forbids all from leaving the hidden palace.”

I’m out Bro, and Shogun Otton’s Hidden Palace…  That stinking floating sinkhole and his regal bloatedness can bite the big one dude…

And you can quote me on that!

“Than you leave us no choice, your life is forfeit!”





Woooo oooohhh oh oohohh wooo oooh ohhoh

What I get into it, a zone dude.  I wasn’t coutin, but they brought out the whole guard.  And if you ain’t seen the Frogurai Guard and the Pond.  Bro it’s some serious shizzit!  These dudes are anythin but chill.  Way too serious for their own good.  But you know.

That’s what they are paid for.  It sucks, and I was never “officially” acknowledged as Pondboy, you know a legit Frogurai, trained, yes, successful definitely, officially… not!  The point dude, is I was not allowed to strut around… with a blade.  So I was being surrounded by the whole damn Pondboy posse, swords out, and this dudes are packin height like a world tree.  

I mean come on I’ma four foot nuts in chillaxin bro.  And these dudes, kickin ten or more in height.

That’s taller dudes, than yours truly.  I mean these guys just hold their blades, points down, at their sides, and they can prick my peepers out.  It’s really not cool.  But I can Bounce, and I can Pounce, and I can Jump and I can Jive.  But that’s a story for another time, and the moment though.. I just Bounce.  Only thing I can do to put myself on equal footing with my enormously tall kinsmen.  





I Jump, and I've built some obscene muscles in my legs and arms to gain any kind of edge I could.  It was all I could do to balance the tables.  I’m a runt, in every sense of the word, so tiny compared to every other swinging dude in the Pond.   But these are small jumps, nothing fancy, just the basics.

Flipping through the air to distract and bait them into attacking each other by accident.  Well accident for them, intentional from my point of view.  It was all bounce and move, until smacking a Pondboy here or there as I passed dodging blades in rapid uncool desperation.  The worst part is I had to keep my Jumps to tadpole hops just to land hits.





And dude I am sway in a fist fight or a sword fight, maybe even a fair fight.  But this was none and all of that minus the fair fight.  I didn’t have enough digits on any limit to count how many I was facing down.  Bladeless, outnumbered and Jumpin’ Jivin’.

Smack, smack… Smack… smack, smack smack smack smack.  Fist, foot, head, other fist, other foot, I got them all in again and again.  Got more knicks, cuts, and scraps than I could count on my digits either, but the fighting went on.  Unarmed combat to well armed and out talled combat.  It was getting bad, at one point but then you know I took a risk.

Even managed to get a Va Va Voom in, on an upward, upside down Jump off my hands snaggin a nasty tastin wakizashi blade off a Pondboy’s engorged stomach.   I can still taste the shizzit flavor of that hilt.  It was ass with a hint of Ameba Tar, I was mortified, but also I couldn’t resist leaving it in my mouth til I licked up the last of the Ameba tar.  But that shizzit taste ewww gross.  Bad memories bro, bad memories.  So uncool.
But I had a blade in hand then…

Well mouth.  And it was time to show my real skills and shizzit as I frogurai, a Jumpin’ Jive Frogurai.  





Bloodshed followed, more of mine, but much much much more of theirs.  I eventually got the taste of Ameba tar out of my mouth and off of the hilt, of the wakizashi, which I flicked around with my tongue as I passed over and under my opponents.  Dodging between legs, over heads, cross stepping between slashing blades in and out of their lines of sight.  Left to the right foot,, hand hands, and bouncing over, under around and through their attacks.  But once the Ameba Tar was gone, I flicked it down as I Jumped over one head snagging the balde before it hit the ground with a spinning backstroke from a full on handspring half spin Jump I craved me a nice long piece of the Poondboy, before moving onto another standing opponent.  Once I cut a path through them I turned to look at the last few able to move blood dripping from all the open wounds on my sweat slicked body.  Heads rolling and crashing to the floor I wiped the blood off of the wakizashi on a Pondboy’s shirt looking down at his cut off legs spitting blood all over the ground in front of him.

I realized two important things, my new wakizashi would fit in his sheath, and I would probably need some pants and his legless pants just might fit me, more or less.  I’m pretty sure the cord I chopped free of another downed Pondboy wasn’t leather, but I needed a belt, I’ma small Frogurai, unlike the jumbo bros all writhing in pain around me.  I think one of them croaked a last threat at me causing me to stop and respond before I walked out of the Pond for good.

"It is forbidden to leave I will kill you for the honor of SHHHOOOOGGUUUN Otton!